So the latestFinal Fantasy XIV patch is out, and it lets you play as Beastmaster. This is good news for any and every player who has wanted to be sure they were allowed to master beasts. You may think that you were good at mastering beasts, but this new job will let you master beasts that were previously unmastered. It will also allow you to find beasts that you may have thought you were master of already and master them even more substantially.
Obviously, my next column will be talking about this class in a substantive format. But what struck me as odd were the number of things that I consider sort of Taming Beasts 101 but were not available in any form for the enterprising Beastmaster in game. This is fine in and of itself, but when the list of things you can tame includes undead animated suits of armor but not some of these options, I find it just a little bit odd how the list was assembled. And so I made a column about it, because did you know I can kinda just write this about whatever? It’s true!
1. Moles
You might think that this is not all that unusual if you don’t playFFXIV, but if you do you know that moles are freakingeverywhere. This is, in fact, kind of a weird omission. They seem like an obvious pull, they’re found in almost every zone, and it’s hard to imagine that the first expansion for the job is going to plausibly add them when, like… you’re telling me a Beastmaster onlyjust thought of taming a mole? Just now? Is that really your new conclusion upon hitting level 60?
2. Yarzons
I don’t really like Yarzons, they’re horrible spider-legged mouth monsters, and I do not want to have one following around behind me. That being said, they’re another common low-level thing that players have to deal with. This one seems even weirder to me, because moles keep showing up in later expansions and so no matter what you are likely to meet some moles. Yarzons are really only around in the lower levels. So they’re probably never going to show up now. Not that Iwant them to, exactly, but it’s weird that they don’t!
3. Funguar
These funky mushroom men seem like an obvious pull and they even occupy an ambiguous spot in terms of overall intelligence like the opo-opos youcan tame. Don’t misunderstand me, I would completely be willing to accept that funguar are not available for whatever reason, but it just seems odd that one weird little guy with opposable thumbs is perfectly fine but another one isn’t technically a beast. And considering what we can tame, “that’s not really a beast” doesn’t hold much water anyway.
4. Bears
On the one hand, this is totally acceptable and understandable because bears basically don’t exist in low-levelFFXIV. No, really. Bears didn’t start getting added to the game until Halitali (Hard) and the only open-world one is a hunt target. So it makes a certain amount of sense. On the other hand… maybe this is just my previous game pedigree, but to me, taming a bear is like Pet Class 101 unless you deal with some sort of summoned critter. At least you can, in fact, tame a murderbee.
5. Wolves
I am sorry to inform you that if you are looking at the entry saying “Snowcloak” on your list and thinking “well, clearly I can tame Fenrir” you are going to be disappointed. But there areno dogs available. No hounds of any kind. This is really wild to me. “Training a dog to fight” is not some odd use case! No wolves, no dogs, no hounds, nothing! Well, all right, “Cu Sith” implies that it’s vaguely canine, but I’m not sold on that being the same thing. And it’s not like there aren’t a ton of dogs to tame!
6. Peiste
Come on! You can’t give me not just a lizard but my very ownlong flat lizard and not let me tame it! This should be illegal. I accept that the game does not have the freaky bipedal lizards ofits antecedent wandering around everywhere, I am willing to accept that I cannot tame one of those and name it Lizzy and traumatize my fellow veterans from Gustaberg. But I dearly need more lizards, and no, the amount of crabs I can tame does not make up for it.
7. Beetles
I love the Boring Weevil. It’s a single enemy type that’s just sitting out in the East Shroud living its best life. It is unremarkable except for the fact that its name is very funny. I want to make the Boring Weevil my pet. But I cannot do that. In fact, I can’t make any beetle my pet. I can’t even have a ladybug. What’s that? A beetle isn’t a pet? Well then why can I have a golem as my pet? How isthat a pet but a wholly uninteresting weevil isn’t?Yes I am mad because taming something called a Boring Weevil is funny! Get your hands off me! I need to finish this column.
8. Boars
Some games – I’m not naming names – have boars all over the place.FFXIV doesn’t, but you still have big ol’ feral pigs roaming around. But you cannot make them your pet. Now, I’m generally of the mind that the game’s boars look sort of weird and are not the height of the design team’s abilities, but… gosh, I am really surprised we can’t tame them. Maybe they were worried about the idea that players would assume that these pets were one missed meal away from becoming the bacon side dish? I don’t know.
9. Skeletons
“Weren’t you just complaining about things that aren’t beasts that you can tame?” No, I was complaining about the lack of consistency. Consider that one of the beasts you can tame is a ghost. A restless spirit. You can make a restless spirit into your pet to follow you around and just do chores for you. Why can you do that but not pick up a skeleton? It’s even weirder when you consider that some of your capture targets are kinda just voidsent. We need to have a serious discussion about the kinds of Pokemon Pals Tems whatever the heck they are in Aniimo beasts you’re capturing.
10. Bombs
Again, I’m a simple person and I have simple wants. Do those wants include creating an alt who only ever summons the Bomb as a pet? Yes. Is that alt The Mad Bomber Who Bombs At Midnight? Yeah, baby. Do I have to explain myself? I mean, it would probably be for the best if I did, but I’m not planning to.
Everyone likes a good list, and we are no different! Perfect Ten takes an MMO topic and divvies it up into 10 delicious, entertaining, and often informative segments for your snacking pleasure. Got a good idea for a list? Email us at justin@massivelyop.com or eliot@massivelyop.com with the subject line “Perfect Ten.”
